Loneliness: A Problem, or a Language We’ve Forgotten?
- Arda Eşberk
- Jan 17
- 5 min read
In the modern world, loneliness is almost automatically labeled as a problem.
If you are alone, something is missing.
If you are alone, you should be more social.
If you are alone, you must "improve" yourself.
Yet, for many of us, the experience is far more contradictory: We can feel lonely within a crowd, but sometimes, when we are left all by ourselves, we realize we are breathing for the first time.
So, the question is this: Is the problem really loneliness, or is it the wrong stories we’ve learned about loneliness?
Why Does Loneliness Hurt So Much in the Modern World?
Today's loneliness does not look much like the loneliness of the past. Because now, loneliness is experienced not as a state, but as an identity.
Modern culture whispers to us:
You must be constantly connected.
You must be visible.
You must be productive.
You must be in a relationship.
If these are absent, it feels as though you have "fallen behind in life.
" That is why loneliness often merges with this thought: "There is something wrong with me."
This is exactly where the pain begins. Not from the loneliness itself; but from mistaking loneliness for a personal defect.
Why Did What Was Natural in Childhood Later Seem Dangerous?
Many of us were beings capable of being alone when we were children. We would play, daydream, and spend hours in our own worlds. This was not a problem.
But over time, we learned this:
Loneliness = Exclusion
Loneliness = Being unloved
Loneliness = Failure
And especially with adolescence, traumas, and the pressure to "be normal," loneliness turned into an internal alarm system. Now, we cannot sit still when we are alone; we feel an immediate need to do something. Texting, watching something, producing something, rushing somewhere… Even inaction begins to feel like a crime.
How Was Loneliness Viewed in Ancient Wisdom?
In ancient teachings, loneliness was not handled the way it is today. In Vedic philosophy, there is a concept called Pratyahara. This means the withdrawal of the senses from the external world into the interior. A state of turning inward.
Here, loneliness is not a diminution, but a concentration. When the noise subsides, the essence emerges.
In a Upanishadic narrative, a student says to his teacher: "I feel incomplete when I am alone."
The teacher replies: "It is not you who is incomplete. What you feel is incomplete is the 'you' that is revealed when the crowd recedes."
In the ancient world:
Silence was wisdom.
Inaction (Akarma) was sacred.
Loneliness was the realm of internal contact.
This is exactly the perspective we have lost today.
Samskaras: The Wrong Codes We Learned About Loneliness
In Vedic language, samskara means repetitions that leave impressions on the consciousness. In other words, the sentences we have heard, experienced, and internalized repeatedly.
For example:
If I am alone, I am not loved.
Who I am is not enough.
If I don't do something, I have no value.
These are not the truth; they are learned programs. And the good news is: Every samskara that is noticed can be dissolved.
Making peace with loneliness is not forcing yourself to love it. It is noticing these wrong codes regarding loneliness and letting them go.
What Does It Mean to Make Peace with Loneliness?
Making peace with loneliness does not mean: "I don't need anyone."
Quite the opposite. It means:
I can remain with myself.
I am safe even when I stop.
I can build relationships based on sharing, not out of need.
When a person makes peace with loneliness, relationships settle on a healthier ground.
Because the relationship is no longer an escape, but a meeting.
A Small Invitation for Awareness
Right now, you can ask yourself this question: What is loneliness trying to tell me?
Without looking for an answer. Without interpreting. Just by noticing the space this question opens up inside you.
Sometimes loneliness is not a problem, but an inner call.
An Invitation
For those who want to work deeper on the theme of loneliness with this post, I share guided content on my
YouTube channel and links regarding:
Noticing root beliefs about loneliness.
Releasing Samskaras with EFT and paper-burning rituals.
Retraining the nervous system with a 21-day affirmation practice.
This is not a "fix yourself" project. This is an invitation to return to yourself.
Final Word
Loneliness is not always a lack. Sometimes, it is the way your true self calls out to you. And perhaps the real question is this: Are we afraid of loneliness, or are we afraid of being left alone with ourselves?
Films and Books That Can Accompany You While Walking with Loneliness
There are some films and books that do not solve, explain, or fix loneliness. They simply walk beside it. And this accompaniment is often the greatest healing.
If you wish to feel the theme of loneliness more deeply, make sense of it, and make peace with it, the following works may accompany you on this journey.
🎬 Films to Watch
Into the Wild
This film, which seems like an escape from society but actually tells the story of an inner quest, reminds us that loneliness is sometimes not a rejection, but a search for truth. Loneliness here is neither romanticized nor judged; it is simply lived.
Her
Loneliness within crowds… It delicately tells the story that in a world surrounded by technology, man's deepest need is still contact and to be seen. Perhaps one of the most honest cinematic narratives of modern loneliness.
Lost in Translation
The film of people who can be lonely even in the same room. This story shows that loneliness is a state that can sometimes be shared, and sometimes be experienced by standing silently side by side.
📚 Books to Read
Siddhartha
A journey passing through crowds to reach the essence. Siddhartha’s loneliness is not an escape, but a maturation process. Ancient wisdom and the modern human search intersect gracefully here.
Man’s Search for Meaning
Viktor Frankl shows that even in the most extreme conditions of loneliness, a human can preserve their inner freedom. This book makes you feel powerfully that loneliness is related to meaning, not conditions.
Walden
A journal of a conscious withdrawal from society. Thoreau’s loneliness is not a disconnection from the world; it is an effort to establish a more authentic relationship with the world.
A Small Invitation for the Reader
When choosing one of these films or books, you can ask yourself: "Right now, do I need to understand my loneliness, or do I need to soften with it?" The answer will already whisper which work will accompany you.
Closing Sentence
Loneliness is sometimes not a knot that needs to be untied, but a space that needs to be sat in and rested upon.
And sometimes a film, sometimes a book, reminds us of this: We are not alone; we are not the only ones feeling this.
🌟 Your Journey Doesn’t End Here!
Would you like to take one more step after this inspiring content?
🔸 Download our e-book to dive deeper,
🔸 Get our free Starter Kit and begin your own hero’s journey,
🔸 Explore our Udemy courses to discover the training that suits you best,
🔸 Subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch our weekly updated videos.
🔸 Or schedule a free introductory session right away.
The choice is yours.
Every step brings you closer to yourself. 🌱🌱
Comments